The Samhain New Year gateway followed by the 11/11 portal this year have been extremely powerful conduits of energy and information.
I have felt the now familiar fall into darkness, where chaos realms and emotions are stirred. Old structures are dismantled and the pieces float in a primordial soup, waiting to be re constructed differently or simply floating to the very bottom to disintegrate.
At one time I struggled and resisted these moments. I found them disturbing and wanted to know what was wrong with me.
Now I understand them for what they are, a leap forward into MORE of me.
And so, I sit with any feelings that emerge, look for the subconscious programs that are still running, even if consciously I reset them long ago. The subconscious mind is stubborn. It is a deep, deep well. Just because we overcome something, doesn’t mean we have rewritten a program. It just means we have become aware that it is running. Re writing the program in that deeper system takes longer. It takes constant awareness and self-correction. Know this…so you don’t feel like a failure when things re occur.
These spaces in our lives, of darkness, do not have to be overwhelming. In fact, on many levels I relish them. They are a chance to explore further and initiate deep changes for the next cycle. They are a chance to uncover forgotten information from my Akashic memory. They are a space for AHA moments.
These often come by me asking the questions:
What obstacles are blocking me? OR What do I need to know now to move forward?
The answers will sometimes just emerge, but more often than not I will be guided to a YouTube video, or an Oracle card deck to work with. Or a book.
I had one such AHA moment this morning. It came through a Kryon video entitled Kryon Explains What Happens When Your Pleiadian Akash Starts to Download.
There were many things in this video that felt like a warm hug. Things I have felt for years, spoken of with recognition. It felt like I was being seen, at a time when that feeling was needed (even though I was unaware of needing it!) This is near the end of the video when Kryon talks of feeling frustrated by KNOWING what you can do, but not knowing how to do it HERE on Earth, in this body. Things I have spoken of in other blogs, like instant healing of the body for instance.
But the biggest AHA was to do with something else I have spoken of that happened on numerous occasions last year. The merging with guides that have been with me for a long time.
Now when I say merging, I don’t mean the same as channelling. I mean stepping into them, into their energy, feeling a total shift in my system, and never seeing these guides again. I mean BECOMING them. Each time this happened I went through a period of grieving. I felt bereft of their friendship and support even though it was explained to me that they were always there with in me. I would now speak as them, be as them. It has even happened with The 9. I cannot go to them for help anymore. They are me. I am them. I speak as them.
This can feel very lonely. BUT the AHA moment today was a cementing of a few thoughts that have been floating around. They came together today as understanding.
As we progress on our journey to know our selves and understand who we are, we become more and more of ourselves. It makes sense. The splinters or guides, need to come back together into one.
Humans today see themselves as separate from everything. They disempower themselves constantly by doing this. But the pieces of ourselves that hold knowledge are not separate from us at all. We just make them so with our minds so as not to feel alone, or unheard. The guides that come to us ARE US. And at certain points in our journey towards completion and wholeness we are ready to reintegrate them. We become more by doing this. We know more of who we are by doing this. We also have to face a really big challenge:
RESPONSIBILITY AND TRUST IN OURSELVES.
Because to be a sovereign being means full responsibility for who we are on every level of our being. This means our wisdom does not come from a deity, or an angel or any other form separate from you. It IS you. You hold the energy of angels, or deities, or consciousness that is huge and amazing and all powerful. And at each stage of your re-wholing and re-membering you re- integrate with that energy.
It is like seeing a single skeleton and floating around it are all the pieces that will rebuild a full human being. As the skeleton charges with magnetic power, the pieces float towards it, eventually sticking and merging.
You hold a magnetic charge. The charge changes the deeper you go into freeing yourself of the bondage of the subconscious mind, the society around you, religion, and other people’s energetic constructs. It goes from attracting negative polarity to positive polarity. It is like switching a switch to light up the darkness. And once you switch that switch you hold so much compassion for all those billions of parts of you (other humans) that are still stumbling blindly around. And you feel a surge of light flood through you, creating a large blast radius so they may switch their polarity also.
Because they are you. They are just you at different stages of development.
And while there is still much to find out for me, in this womb state I dwell in, this reminder of my own power, this understanding that I have no need to rely on anyone or anything at all, even if that concept is hard to adjust to, or even want! I have the power to create. I hold it in every single cell of my body. I hold it in every single energetic particle of my Soul. I just need to remember how to activate and use it. I just need to TRUST.