I have had two weeks of deep analysis, some healing, and many realisations, some hard, some unlooked for, some bringing deeper journeying.
The 11:11 gateway occurred near the beginning of this process, and I feel was the main culprit! I needed to be away from the computer, social media, and media in general. On Friday 13th I didn’t hear until very late in the day of the bombings in Paris. But I realised how much I had felt the energy ripple of pain, suffering and loss. And I realised how I couldn’t shield myself from this energy, it was wrong to try. Instead I should be alerted by this energy ripple to counteract it with love, and compassion, for ALL involved in any tragedy, whichever side they belong to. How else can these things ever be stopped?
I have felt removed from life in general, yet connected to my own life in a far more grounded way. My relationship with my partner has strengthened in this time, because we are both, in our own way, journeying towards the same goal. That of happiness. His journey is newer than mine, fresher, and when I have dipped he has been able to lift me, often with my own words gifted back to me!
This strengthening of our bond has helped strengthen my bond, love and appreciation of myself. I have listened to my own needs and not felt guilty in meeting them. I have come to some decisions that I needed to make to go forward. I don’t know what the effects of them will be, but I do know that they are right for me at this time.
As usual, I share all this so that you too can heal, and can learn to approach yourself and your relationships with others in the same way. As a connected human being, as a part of a much greater whole. You are never alone.
Do not be afraid to step into the darker areas of yourself, or your life. It is only by dragging those things into the light that you can realise that they are not the monsters you thought they were. Yes, you may feel anguish, sadness, or other negative emotions, but only because they need to be FELT in order to disperse. Think of it this way. You are a funnel. Your emotions need to squeeze through the narrow gap that is you, to be released on the other side. The sooner you allow this to happen, the sooner they will be gone. If you keep holding them back they become muddied and stagnant, to the point where you cannot even distinguish what they are!
I have learnt, once more it seems, to just be me. To say when I hurt, or when I am unhappy in an area of my life, to share and communicate pain as well as joy. That deep honesty is appreciated by those around us, because it is the only way another can fully comprehend what is going on inside.
I am not fully THERE yet. But then again I don’t know where there is, or if it exists at all. I do, however know that I must feel my way forward with each step, testing the waters of my emotions, asking the crucial question,
‘Does this make me happy?’
You can do that too. The answer is simple, YES or NO. If its YES, take the next step, if its NO, stop and go in a different direction, no matter what anyone else thinks, says or does.
If you don’t know, it’s NO. Rethink, and ask
‘What would make me happy in this moment?’
Then take steps in THAT direction.
All of you know this to be true. It’s just sometimes we all need to be reminded of the simplicity of life, and of our ultimate end goal, which is always happiness.