Samhain- The Ending In The Beginning

 

samhain 3

Image found on Google. Please help me credit it to the rightful person.

 

As the year draws to a close for me, succumbing to the darkness of shorter days and longer nights, I find there is a deep seated pain within. It is fitting.

As the year dies, a part of me dies with it. The death is not an easy one, it is long, drawn out and painful. There is some dull confusion too.

I ponder the year gone by, looking at the good and the bad, the lessons learnt, the lessons missed. The progress made and the areas where I need to keep plugging away.

Time has run out for the me that was birthed on November 1st 2012. I find I have some regrets and some unanswered questions. Many seeds planted in the dark of last winter never saw the light of day, but then again they I can still feel them laying there, dormant, awaiting the right conditions to push through. Some seeds that I have now harvested were a surprise, a concoction of natures wild and wonderful fertilisation cross breeding program! So did I achieve what I set out to achieve…..yes and no, but erring towards more yes’s I think.

I am awaiting Samhain’s opening into the dark womb with a pleasant anticipation. I am thankful that this inbetween time approaches. I plan to step forth, leaving behind the parts of me that I have outgrown or cannot grow any further. Those parts cannot accompany me now, they must be surrendered back into the Earth to rot and decay and nourish the new. Is that why I feel pain? Is it the rendering of these parts of me into the past? I do feel some loneliness, some loss. A goodbye is in order, a thanks for all the times we shared. I am sure I will miss those parts, but I am equally sure I cannot take them with me, into the silence of the winter womb.

And once I’m there? What then? A sigh of relief, a relaxing into darkness, a letting go of life on each out breath, as each in breath draws in the divine. It is needed, long overdue.

And where then? What will I become? Who will I be as rebirth occurs at the Winter Solstice after my incubation in the yearly womb? Will I emerge stronger or weaker? A wise woman or a childlike fool? There is room for both I hope!

But truly I do not know and I must surrender to this knowledge and trust that I will emerge as the person I need to be for the new year that approaches. I can feel greatly the anticipation of rebirth but I cannot begin to grasp it’s meaning for me or what will occur.

And now the darkness approaches, warm, inviting, peaceful. I will float for a while in solitude, letting go, letting go.

Blessings of endings and beginnings,

Kirsten Ivatts.

www.thelightofyoursoul.co.uk

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