I was reading the new newsletter from Solstice Rising and these words made me sit up and take notice:
‘Can you be still or must you be constantly moving? What is beneath your doing? Is it guided; is it an outer expectation or is it an old belief or pattern? What is the belief underneath your doing? If you resent having to do a chore, what does that tell you? Are you forcing something or do you shut out your true nature “in order to get things done?” What happens when you stop? Can you stop?’
This is a pattern I have worked on before in myself, but I knew, on reading these words that I hadn’t got to the bottom of it. I have to constantly keep moving…striving is the word I tend to use. I realised that I was doing this to show that I am not lazy, to prove my self worth, and for fear that if I stop money will dry up. This is something that goes back to my younger years, some of it is from childhood, some from late teens, early twenties. Events that have stuck together and formed a belief, and from that a pattern, that now runs in my energy system as a way of being.
So, using my visualisation technique I found the aspect of me who is still doing this. The visualisation was NOT what I expected at all….never is! Here it is in brief.
I found myself in Eskimo like clothing in deep snow. The night s clear and cold, and I am carrying a sack of my ‘labours’ on my back. I toss it down next to a campfire that has an old man wrapped in furs in front of it, a slightly younger woman and a couple of children. There are three teepee type tents behind them. I step back from this aspect to watch. He is male, probably late teens, early twenties. The sack falls open to reveal three warm rabbits.
‘You stole them!’ the old man exclaims.
‘I could not find other food.’
‘The fish are not biting!’ The young man is angry. The old man is angry.
‘You will bring us shame and reprisals.’
‘I bring you LIFE!’
The young man storms off, grabbing his fishing rod, down to a stream and tries to fish. The fish are not biting, as he said. He takes up his bow and enters a forest and is lucky enough to find deer. After a while he kills a young buck, guts it and with great effort returns with it to the campfire. He throws it to the floor, grabs some rabbit from the spit and then enters a tent and lays down.
I approach him then. He is angry. he can do nothing right. Where would you like to be right now, I ask him.
He shows me a mountain top, sunshine, summer, peace and quiet, stillness.
The tent melts away and we are on the mountain top. He strips off the furs and as he is looking around I realise where we are.
For many years when I have meditated I find myself in a cave with a wide entrance that looks out over tree tops, mainly firs. These form a thick forest stretching over a valley and up the opposite slopes. I know this cave is right beneath us. And I know who this man is.
Very often there is an Native American in the cave, sitting by the camp fire playing his pipes. As a meditate he is just there. We don’t speak, but his presence is still, and calm and peaceful. I am realising as I show him the cave, that this is how he got there.
He is overjoyed with the cave. I tell him it is never winter here as it is where he came from. There are rains, and seasons, but it is never so cold. The cave is secret, undiscovered. The forest is full of animals, and a river. He suddenly thinks of his parents though, and becomes sad.
‘Am I dead to them?’
‘In a way, yes. But you are very much ALIVE.’
‘What will happen to them? They will die without me taking care of them.’
‘Let me show you what happens.’
I show him his parents mourning him and feeling afraid that they now have no one to help them hunt. His father is invalid, and they relied totally on him. Yet they were too proud to ask for help from others, and enter into a village or live within a community to get help. A nomadic tribe travels past them. The parents realise now that they must join the tribe to survive. Something they would never do while he was with them.
This has shown me how I think others need me to survive. How I am always DOING for them, and not allowing myself to just BE, for me. In doing this exercise I have rescued an aspect, give it a new and fresh start, and also filled in a blank about who this man is, that I have wondered about for years. Interestingly I was never willing to ask him, when he was in the cave. I obviously needed to gain the understanding myself.
I feel peaceful, after this. I feel like a calm point in the middle of the chaos of life. I am more me.
I can help you too to find out why you are DOING and what beliefs are prompting this pattern in your life. Through readings, or aspect work, we can work together to help you understand and so change.
To work with me visit the website.
This is the link to the newsletter I mention above.