Your Story

Your Story


My last blog post was about My Story. But what are our stories and how do they come into being?

We have so many stories going on in our lives. There is the overall story, you could call it the novel. This can be broken down into sections or parts, and then further into chapters. Our stories interact and become a part of other people’s stories. Sometimes we take on their story thinking it is our own. Our story can contrast vastly to someone else’s and create conflicting stories. But always we are within our own story, doing the best we can.


Your story does not begin at birth. It begins when your Soul accepts an invitation to experience a life on Earth. A plan or blueprint is formed for this life, that includes experiences you want to have (rather than lessons you want to learn) and the ways in which your collection of experiences or wisdom can add to and grow the ongoing story of humanity. ( in a book I could write here about the ways being not good or bad. Your experience as a killer is just as relevant as your experience of a mother…and why)

Then parents are chosen. This is not a linear experience. Time is not available to the Soul, so creating a contract with the parents happens instantaneously. There are no long drawn out discussions here! Language is not the same in Soul form. We could say there are understandings passed between parts of the Soul family (at least one parent is part of your Soul family, and often both).

From here the exact point in time on Earth that you will be born is calculated so that the magnetic pull and electrical forces of the other forces in our Solar System come together to give a personality format that will allow you to have the experiences you added to your blueprint in such a way that will bring growth and wisdom. This growth and wisdom is not for you as an individual, it is for the Soul Group and Source/God. It benefits the ALL.



The next part of your story is really a download, or electrical charge sent to your parents that creates an electrical impulse in the body experienced as an emotional or mental urge to want to have a child. Sometimes this urge goes in noticed (it did in my case!) but it is still there.

From here conception takes place. One sperm and one egg get together and create a form that carries information about both parents, and each blood line. Once this form is fully created in the womb, the Soul inhabits the body and the form becomes a baby.

The time in which this happens in gestation is different in each case. If the Soul has something to add to their experiences through what is happening in the life of the parents while in gestation, it will arrive earlier than a Soul who does not need that information to add to their lives. But the body of the foetus must be recognisable as a child, with a brain stem, brain, fully formed nervous system and heart.

This part of the story continues until around the age of 7. Parts 1 & 2 form the basis of the whole novel that is your life story. They put in place systems of thinking and emotional patterns that will either help you or challenge you (which still ultimately helps you if you do your inner work!).



This part is a series of initiations, the greatest of which is puberty. You begin to solidify who you are in the world. If this isn’t comfortable and not in alignment with your blueprint you will challenge who you are over and over again. The more rebellious the teen, the more out of alignment they are with their Soul. This stage ends around the age of 21.


From this point onwards you choose the major parts of your life. For some part 3 will be the last part. Life will go pretty smoothly. For others there will be many parts, brought on by full blown initiatory experiences. Most people reading this and who follow my work will have had a life with many parts, filled with many chapters! When you are working to bring consciousness to an unconscious world the personal challenges and initiations needed to overcome them, are many! You could equate the level of suffering to the level of experience you are trying to achieve in one lifetime. That doesn’t mean, if life is easy and plain sailing that you are not a wisdomous and amazing Soul! It just means you chose an easier life this time. Sometimes your purpose for being here is to support others in your Soul family as they go through their challenges.




So, our Novels and stories are complex and interwoven structures. Each of us is creating as we go, to a predetermined matrix. You could think of that as a geometric pattern that is in place to keep you going in the direction aligned with your mission this lifetime. Everyone’s story is different, and everyone’s story is important. Your story is no better or worse than anyone else’s. It’s just your story. The most important thing of all is to recognise that other people have a story you often know nothing about, even if you live in close proximity to them! Understanding of this helps us to be compassionate when someone’s story is in conflict with our own. And it helps us to stick to our own story and not get entangled in other people’s!

If you would like to know more about stories and the characters within them, talk to me about The Magical Community of I.

My Story

My Story

I am aware you know very little about my personal story. And you may not want to! But if you do, read on and I will share a little.

I am not a religious Guru, though some people have treated me like a Guru at times. I am an ordinary person, with extraordinary perceptions about life. They are only extraordinary to others. I find them quite ordinary because they are a match to my alignment and I have always possessed them in some degree.

My slant has always been to teach, or rather to share wisdom and knowledge. I am not great at participating in any kind of hierarchy.

I am not better than anyone in anyway, I am just me, and I am happy to share me with you.

When I was young, I dreamt of being a Nun. But I soon realised that to be a Nun I had to be religious, and the family religion of Catholicism did not suit me, or my mother, who didn’t carry it on herself. I was free to be a spiritual being without being limited by religion. My first explorations into spirituality were my interactions with nature. Nature was where I felt most at home. I was always welcomed, and I was always nurtured. I can say now that I absorbed a lot of spirituality through being part of the natural world, the flowers, grasses and trees, insects, rodents, and my many animal friends, especially cats and horses. I explored nature and in return she imparted her wisdom into the open mind of a young child.

As I journeyed through school, I found I was happier in nature or with animals than with people. The life of a Nun in a sanctuary seemed even more appealing, but the religion was not. I could not be confined to a dogma, as much as I could not be confined to any sort of rigidity, although I did try to fit in. I always had friends and was often the one who took the lead. What set me apart from people was, I didn’t see the world in the same ways they did. I always knew there was so much more. I always FELT there was so much more.

My navigation system has been through feeling. Although I can be a very practical person, it is my extrasensory perception that guides me, and resonance through the heart. When I arrived at my teenage years this caused a lot of confusion for me, because the world was far too logical and far too linear. Although my childhood had been secure and happy, my spirituality never put into a box, my explorations and creativity never hampered by my Mum and Stepfather, my relationship with my biological father caused a lot of insecurity, mainly because he lived so far away and his world view was different to my mothers’. When two parents have different parenting styles it can cause a lot of confusion in a child. As we unwrap ourselves from our parents in our teens and try to discover who we are, their genes and perspectives on life still govern us. This pot of beliefs, life constructs, personalities and conflicts is something we wish to rebel against in our teens, making this a difficult period in our lives.

I always saw the best in others, I always looked for the beauty around me. And soon the world showed me that beauty is mostly skin deep when it comes to people. Yet still I persevered in looking for the good in everyone, much to my parents’ despair! The boyfriends who were tortured souls, must have given them nightmares. But I always saw past the problems they had, right to the core of the person. And so far, in my 54 years on this planet I have never found the core of a person to be anything but beautiful. Perhaps I am lucky.

I kept quiet about my pregnancy, even though I knew I was pregnant from that very night. I was 6 months pregnant when my parents found out. I knew this child had to be born, and I knew I was going to be the mother, and he wouldn’t be taken from me. It made sense to me to makes sure of this by keeping quiet. There was talk of adoption only once, with the doctor. Later I found out that my Nana (catholic matriarch of our family who had 15 pregnancies and 13 children), had told my mother that she would adopt the baby if needed, because he wasn’t to leave the family. I honestly learnt so much from this strong head of our family, and her Irish Catholic values around family and children.

And so, I became a mother at the point in life where many are figuring out who they were and what they wanted to be. I finished school and went on to sixth form college for a while. We still lived at home, and I must have been sheltered from the judgements of others, because I hardly ever came across any. But being a teenage Mum is still hard. I remember the day when the responsibility hit me as a heavy weight upon my shoulders. My child was around 3 months old. That weight not only meant I had tense and sore shoulders for years, but it also sent me on a journey that ultimately led me to this day, a journey of creating a life where I was far too hard on myself and was not good at receiving help or anything else from others, believing the responsibility of me and my children (I have four) was mine alone. I also thought that my way to bring up children was the only way, and that men didn’t know how to be good at parenting, and so I attracted men that were NOT great at parenting, but that I could always see the light and beauty in the centre of their being. I would over commit to them, and to my children, as if I had to prove to the world that I was responsible, I was amazing at what I did, and I was independent. I have to add here that my eldest son has proved to me better than anyone, just how good men can be at parenting!

This path of challenges I created for myself gave me many growth points. I had times of great anger, and times where I was depleted. There were many times of darkness, but I kept going, and these all brought me back to my search for who I was, and the spiritual journey.


Seeing story


My strong connection to nature eventually took me to Druidry. Rather than witchcraft, Druidry tied in with my love of history, mythology and my natural shamanistic abilities. In my years as a druid, I learnt to deepen my connection to my ancestors, to local spirits and entities, and to the land. I learnt to bring online an awareness I had left behind in childhood, with fresh eyes and a more evolved brain to understand it. I would walk through woods with my eyes closed, tuning into the trees, feeling their different energies as I walked, feeling where their roots were beneath the ground, always in the pit of my belly. I could see the matrices around them too. I saw nature spirits and felt the ancient presence within the hills behind where I lived. I became more in tune with the moon and her cycles, and through her to my own body. And I absorbed more of Mother Earth into my being.

She shot me skywards.

After my Druid phase my interests became more cosmic. I learnt about other planets, star systems, ET’s and ancient cultures that seemed to have connected with cosmic visitors’ eons before.

I was honing other abilities through energy work. My stepfather was a hands on healer, a tarot reader and a channel. I had been reading tarot and oracle cards from the age of 20, and now decided to really explore channelling. I seemed to be someone who picked up on passing frequencies that had a message rather than channelling any one group. I had encounters regularly with Isis, who became Kuan Yin, who became Kali, who was always Gaia too. I eventually came to recognise that I was very much plugged in to the Divine Feminine in all her varied forms. I also had messages from Archangels, and from other beings. I felt like my antennae was there in the sky (metaphorically) and who ever used my frequency allowed me to download the messages.

This spiritual work has progressed into multi and inter dimensional travelling as a dragon rider, creating portals and flying through them to many strange and wonderful places. Some of these travels are to help me grow, but many are to bring back information for humanity. My mission is simple. To bring in the information that will harmonise and align others with the 5th dimensional reality Earth is evolving into. I work with The 9, my Soul group, and the highest evolution of my Soul so far, to bring in messages and guidance. All of my work focuses on aligning people with LOVE and showing them where they are still aligned with FEAR. I couldn’t do this if I hadn’t been through the many challenges my life has brought me, and if I wasn’t evolving out of this fear myself.

I am grateful for the dark times, for they have always brought me more light.



My Names For each Full Moon

My Names For each Full Moon

We all tend to share the Native American names for each full moon these days. Today is the first full moon of 2023, The Wolf Moon.


Traditional Full Moon names


But back in 2006 I named this moon for the connection with the region where I lived, the Yorkshire Wolds, UK. I recently moved back to the Wolds, about half an hour from where I lived up until 2009 and I am reconnecting with these ancient hills and the spirit of place here.

In 2006 I was just completing my Bardic studies at The New Order of Druids, where I became a mentor and council member. The final assignment took 13 moons to complete. I meditated at each full moon in a lunar year and named the moon for my connection with it and the land. This was an amazing assignment and really sealed my connection with the land. It is worth trying for yourself.


Here is a transcript of my sittings and all the moon names.


February 2005.

Soft snow moon.

At the end of my garden there is a peaceful place where I meditate. It is the wild part of my garden and is bordered by fifty-year-old Blackthorns and open fields, leading up to the last of the Yorkshire Wolds.

The night was still, the garden covered in deep snow. I sat on a chair, well wrapped, although it was warmer than I thought it would be. The moon was achingly bright, reflecting off the snow, casting an ethereal light around me.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, easing myself down into the earth. The over-riding feeling was of complete peace and stillness. The plants hidden beneath the snow slumbered still, even the snowdrops seemed to be quiet under their white blanket. I felt energies though. Forms moved around me, as if curious. They were not spirits of people, just energies. They were pleasant, not threatening. My meditation lasted around twenty minutes when I reluctantly returned to the house to see if my toes were still inside my Wellington boots. Reluctantly, because the feeling of peace was so restful that I would have gladly stayed much longer.


MARCH 2005

Restless wind moon.

I sat in the same spot as before, again on a chair. The wind restlessly played around me, as it had played within me all month. I had been twitchy with an energy bursting for release. On the night of this full moon, this feeling had a crescendo effect and I spent the night in fidgety frustration.

My meditation related my feelings to the garden. The vibrant energy of spring, was bursting for release but was held in check by bad weather. Everything felt ready to explode with life, but the frosts held everything below the surface. This moon I decided that this meditation should be about tuning in to the land, not about the song of Amergin which for me is not related in quite the same way.

( Note…part of this assignment was about The Song of Amergin).


APRIL 2005

Spring rain moon.

April is a wet month here. This April was no exception. The moon was hidden behind dark clouds that were low enough to cover the hills behind the house. The night of this full moon then was filled with the pitter patter of large persistent raindrops. I walked around the garden, allowing the rain to touch my skin. Feeling its cool bite, as the north wind blew it. It was shiveringly cold, but exhilarating! And the garden felt the same. The daffodils and tulips, so newly opened were pounded almost flat with the ferocity, but they welcomed the rain that would feed their bulbs and encourage them to fight back upright when the downpour stopped. The young Cedar I had planted last year was happy to drink the water, having recovered, with my healing, from a nasty case of hungry horse over the winter (she grazes the garden occasionally). The Willow, just beginning to stir its longhaired branches, relished in this watery cascade. Although I meditated indoors this night, my garden tour, filled me with encouragement, exhilaration and the promise that soon the wind would change.


MAY 2005

Sound beneath sound moon.

Once again clouds obscured the moon. But at least this month the winds had changed and were coming in from the warmer west. I sat out to meditate, and after awhile felt slightly queasy, very unusual. I had the feeling that I was riding a thermal of sound, hearing sounds beneath the sounds, beneath the rustle of the leaves and the roar of the wind. The garden was showing promise through its battering, and the scent of may blossom reached me from the Hawthorn, taking me back to childhood. But the sounds kept on. Indescribable.


JUNE 2005

Tranquillity moon.

At last a still and clear night! The moon was bright above me. I had waited until one in the morning for it to rise high in the sky. At this time of year it is never fully dark. I felt immediate peace, calm and deep tranquillity. Many scents drifted around me, from the flowers in my vicinity. All were happy. The trees reached high into the clear sky, proud, standing tall in their young years. The biggest feeling I received was tranquillity but also there was a deep acceptance. I left my meditation feeling a calm, deep joy.


JULY 2005

Fire moon.

No moon in evidence again. The night is still and cloudy. Muggy, with no breeze. I felt disturbed as I sat to meditate and didn’t relax. This time of year doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t like the heat. The only thing that made it bearable was the heavy scent of roses. I find I feel aggressive as the heat rises and lose my temper more. Perhaps this is the fire burning too strong in me. At the time of the full moon all these feelings are intensified. I didn’t sit for long. I retired to bed and prayed for thunder to clear the air. It came with amazing lightning, and, as usual, loss of electricity! I should be careful what I ask for!



Harvest moon.

Although the days are warm the evenings in August are refreshing. The night is drawing in a little sooner now. The moon was full and round in the sky, casting long shadows around me. I was relaxed this month. Although the tensions of July had not entirely evaporated, they had begun to ease. The breeze was strong enough to rustle the leaves in the trees and it suddenly occurred to me that I like the energy of the west wind. I connect with it somehow, it stirs something in me. I meditated for three quarters of an hour, the longest I have managed under a full moon. I sat on the grass and felt almost a sucking sensation, as if I was being pulled down. It continued throughout the meditation, and then at last I was released, or rather, eased back up. Around me I had felt as if the breeze vibrated rather than blew.



Night Breeze moon.

I like September. The fruit trees have yielded, as has the vegetable patch. The days are cooler and shorter, the nights fresher. But the sun shines gloriously. The garden seems to enjoy this time as much as June. It is still in full swing, almost a last outburst before bed.  Scents mingle still, but in a lighter refreshing way. This moon was full of this energy for me. Not bursting at the seams type energy, but a relaxed constant supply. The night was cloudy with a strong breeze and the moon peeked out from behind the clouds when it got the chance. My meditation was refreshing and inspiring. Almost it was a bringing together of ideas.



Angel moon.

The night was stormy, and once again the moon was covered, although occasionally the clouds showed it for a while. The month had felt like a culmination of events, which I felt fitted into the time of year rather well. My meditation was done indoors and throughout it I felt as if I was supported by hands. I also felt a great deal of expansion, which is something I feel often when I meditate, as if I am feeling to the edges of my soul and then merging into the ethers. At one point tiredness overcame me and I drifted into a semi dream state, my head filling up with nonsense. I was brought back to my meditation by a face, like an angel, or a cherub that appeared right in front of my minds eye. It had blond short hair, which curled, a child like face and very intense blue eyes. I felt drawn by the eyes and for a few seconds I felt like I was being pulled through energy. Afterwards I felt very peaceful, deeply so, and at ease.



Ancestor moon

This month has connected me with my ancestors in many ways that I won’t go into here. It has been inspiring, giving me plenty of soul-searching opportunities for the approaching winter. The month has been cold, with frosts. Most nights have been clear, but unfortunately this one is cloudy. The wind is in the North west and is strong. The trees are virtually bare, their energy sinking low into the warm earth. I sit out in a sheltered spot, trying to meditate. I find it difficult tonight. Instead I try to release my mind to the wind, letting it flow around the garden, through the bare branches and brittle stems of perennials. I do find the Holly, sitting quietly in his corner, proud of his shiny green coat in the midst of the nakedness around him. I find the wind taking me back over the year when I found Druidry and at last a place where people understood. The year had been full of wonder, delight, but also strife with my husband. But I knew the path I had found was the right one, and straying from it would not be good for me. What would come to pass I didn’t know, but I knew I had to be true to my heart.



Yule moon.

I got a clear night! And it wasn’t too cold. It’s funny but December is often slightly warmer than November and January. I sat out and felt happy. I had found a place deep down inside me that was firmly rooted and would give me the strength to go forward. My husband was still not happy with my Druidry but he was also under no illusions. He knew what it meant to me and we had come to a point of something like balance. The meditation was peaceful and undisturbed, deep and calm. I left it feeling sure of my intentions.



Winters kiss moon.

Snow, blizzards, hard frosts and strong north winds characterise this month. I long to get the fireplace renovated. To sit in front of a warm fire with a good book would be heaven! I have been with NOD a year now, and feel I have re-found a connection with the land I had as a child. I enjoy the cold days of winter, although sitting outside to meditate was not great in –5 degrees. So I sat indoors with the crystal clear moonlight shining in the window and the wind rattling the sashes. My meditation was long and deep, the only thing I remember being a buzzing, vibrating, which I sometimes get. It isn’t strange really, but then nothing is until your conscious mind considers it.



Soft snow moon.

I gave this month the same name as last year as it was virtually snow covered through its entirety. The snowdrops however did bloom in time for Imbolc. Brighid has become a stronger guide for me over this year, and I have asked for her guidance this month. This is my last meditation for this assignment. I have felt a gradual deepening of my connections with the land over the year. Now when I walk I feel the soft touch of energies as I pass trees and plants. I feel the mood of the weather, and the land, it mirrors within me. I have learnt much that has brought me to a more thorough understanding of myself. My meditation was done inside, with a white candle dedicated to Brighid. I left it feeling as if her arms held me, offering support. I cried a lot that night, in both sorrow and joy. It was a much-needed release.

(Reading this now, I think I would have named it Brighid’s Moon).

My meditations took me deep within the energy of Britain. Where I live it is not masked by the energy of people, as this area has always been sparsely populated. This village is probably 1500 years old, and was definitely around and prospering in the Doomsday book. It has always been tiny and quiet. I found my meditations took me deeper into that peace and deeper into nature’s cycles so that little of Amergin’s poem felt relevant to my feelings under each moon. I could have tried to find a connection, but then I wouldn’t be writing my true feelings, but instead twisting them around another’s words.

I gained an acceptance in my area from ancient energies, perhaps guardians. I also became aware of the earth as an entity, feeling her rhythms and their echoes within my life. I developed eyes beyond my eyes and ears beyond my ears. All my senses were learnt anew on another level. There are definitely comparisons between my meditations and what I gained from them, and Amergin’s words, but I feel best if they are kept separate.


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The Conflict Between The Ego And The Conscious Observer

The Conflict Between The Ego And The Conscious Observer

Why is it that we can be aware of ourselves as a conscious observer, aware of our shadows, fears, and how to process through them, yet we still get dragged into the drama of life, and must, often with great effort, disengage ourselves all over again?

This conscious observer watches over it all and can stay separate, yet the ego still takes part in something we wish to avoid.

When this happens there is a gap between ego and soul. The gap is lessened the more that you hold onto awareness, but there is a vibrational mismatch between the observer and the ego. The problem occurs in the brain of every single cell within your body that has learnt how life is from the moment you were born. The programmes that run in your physical body, run regardless of whether you know better as the conscious observer/higher self. So, the question is, how to bring the two into alignment? Is that even possible?

Firstly, awareness of this mismatch begins a process of rewriting the program, (or the blueprint that has been constructed by the ego) that overrides the divine blueprint you were born with.

Secondly, being consciously aware of when the ego steps back into the drama that the higher self knows shouldn’t be attractive to it anymore (attraction happens whether the energy involved is classified as positive or negative), also helps to rewrite the programs running in the body. (The brain is part of the body and is like the main processing centre, but every single cell is involved and has its own CPU, the nucleus.)

But this rewriting takes time and energy. In reality it is a conflict between two vibrations that is draining, even though it is taking us in the right direction. The density of the energy in physical matter is part of the problem. That density means that anything from a lighter energy body/soul body takes time to permeate. Think of clay soil and now imagine pouring water onto it. The clay holds the water in most places, and only small amounts permeate quickly. The rest takes a long time. Your physical body would need to be dust to have any chance of merging its vibration with the astral body, and be completely invisible to the human eye, to merge with higher bodies in your Soul matrix.

Yet your body IS made up of atoms that are invisible to the human eye. It’s the vibration of that blueprint it runs that keeps the density.

So how can we relax the rigidity of these atoms to allow the ego to match vibrations with the conscious observer?

Well firstly we need to have a basic physics lesson.


What is inside an atom?

*Definition of an atom: atom, smallest unit into which matter can be divided without the release of electrically charged particles.

Most of the atom is empty space. The rest consists of a positively charged nucleus of protons and neutrons surrounded by a cloud of negatively charged electrons. The nucleus is small and dense compared with the electrons, which are the lightest charged particles in nature. Electrons are attracted to any positive charge by their electric force; in an atom, electric forces bind the electrons to the nucleus.* From

As you may be beginning to see, the majority of every atom is made up of a cloud of electrons, ‘the lightest charged particles in nature’. The nucleus is the smallest part of the atom (think peanut in a baseball stadium!) In fact you are 99.9999999 percent empty space! Or rather 99.9999999 percent waves of light.

Read this article for a much better understanding.

I am not a scientist, but I want to draw your attention to something I find fascinating.

‘In our quantum Universe, we frequently talk about wave-particle duality, or the idea that the fundamental quanta that make up the Universe exhibit both wave-like and particle-like properties, depending on what conditions they’re exposed to. If we go to higher and higher energies, the quanta we’re examining act more like particles, while at lower energies, they act more like waves.’

As you know, a wave goes up and down, it has peaks and then drops into deep gulley’s. This is a good metaphor for life…we have those high moments and the low moments; our energy follows the wave pattern. Now read this:

‘We can illustrate why by examining the photon: the quantum of energy associated with light. Light comes in a variety of energies, from the ultra-high energy gamma rays down through the ultra-low energy radio waves. But light’s energy is closely related to its wavelength: the higher the energy, the shorter the wavelength.’

The higher the energy, the shorter the wavelength. We often talk about working towards merging with our light body. This would mean becoming ‘enlightened’. It is what all those Buddhist monks in caves or mountain tops have been trying to achieve (and many succeeding) for centuries. Can you see how this is a physics process…a physical universe process, as much as it is an awareness process?

Many of us are at the point where we still experience the drama in a situation in our lives, yet we move through it far more quickly than we once did. We regain our equilibrium and understand the learning we gained. We are self-aware to the point that we understand how we let our ego get embroiled in the lower vibration, and we also understand the way to get back to our balanced state again. Yet most of us are NOT aware of what happens in the body. If your electrons are highly charged waves of light zooming around each cell, they have become short, rather than long waves. The peaks and troughs are minimal. This means that getting from the beginning to the end of each wave takes less ‘time’ than it would with a slower moving wave. Are you beginning to see? I am over simplifying, as much for your benefit as for mine!

Now read this:

‘If you were to send a high-energy photon or particle in there to interact with an electron, sure, you could pin down its position precisely. But — and here’s where quantum mechanics trips most of us up — the act of sending that high-energy particle in there fundamentally changes what’s going on inside the atom itself. It causes the electron to behave like a particle, at least for the moment of that one interaction, instead of like a wave.’

This is WHY some places, plants and people bring on ecstatic states or peaceful states or inspire us and basically make us feel better. It is why those monks meditate on mountain tops or in caves…these are the places where our electrons start behaving as particles…without all of those peaks and troughs.


So, in answer to my initial question: Why is it that we can be aware of ourselves as a conscious observer, aware of our shadows, fears, and how to process through them, yet we still get dragged into the drama of life, and have to, often with great effort, disengage ourselves all over again?

The ego, attached as it is to the physical body and the atoms it is made from, is mostly experiencing a wave formation, and so it gets dragged down into the troughs as well as experiencing the highs. The higher self is made up of something else. A particle, a quanta…? The higher self is energy that is aware and is vibrating so fast that is seems like a single point of light. It has no peaks and troughs until it merges with the electron waves in the body and becomes the ego. It separates itself into duality so as to experience life in a body.

Which of course is our purpose…to experience life with all of its peaks and troughs. But now we are hell bent on merging back into the higher self, which is the death of humanity as we know it. This human body, adapted (perhaps genetically mutated on purpose) to enable the singularity of light to experience life at a denser level, would carry on, but it would soon revert to its simple animal nature.

You have three choices for your life.

  1. Enjoy the experiences, no matter how you have learnt to label them, surrendering into the knowledge that you are here to do just that.
  2. Emulate a Buddhist monk and only eat, drink, breathe and live in places that allow the highest absorption of light, creating shorter and shorter wave lengths in each electron, aiming to just disappear, and become light once more.
  3. Find a balance between both. Eat and drink those things that contain electrons that are vibrating very quickly (contain more light). Live in the places that emanate these shorter wave lengths but enjoy being able to feel (through electromagnetic forces colliding) the things in the physical world around you. Enjoy your sensuality, the love and the heartbreak, the taste of amazing cakes, the sun on your face, the human touch.


Most of the people reading this will have chosen number 3…and you really have a choice, neither is better than the other, all help the shift into higher consciousness for humanity, the Earth and the Universe. We will still get dragged into SOME drama, but now we understand why it is easier to watch on as the observer, allowing the ego the experience, and moving on quickly to the next experience. We don’t have to berate ourselves or wonder why we haven’t learnt from previous experiences. We may want to look at what we have been nourishing our body with, leading to the event, in case we over indulged in lower vibrational energy going INTO our body, from food, drink, places, or people. We may want to check what was happening in the cosmos, or with the sun, and what energy waves were permeating our bodies, building up the radioactive charge (read the articles to find out more on this.) But we don’t need to apportion blame, judgement, or any other negative that will slow down those electron waves in every cell of our body and give the nucleus another negatively charged memory to store. That makes no sense whatsoever once you understand the science.

We are in a privileged position as humans, no matter what our ‘position’ within our society. We have the ability to CHOOSE. Always. The only thing that stops most people choosing to feel better is a misunderstanding of who and what they are. AND, how much the vibration of that which you nourish yourself with, makes a huge difference to what you are.

Would you prefer to have every electron in your body moving slowly in great long lengths…sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Well, it really is!

Or would you prefer those electrons to be zipping around each cell, little, short, bouncy waves of light? Just reading that is energizing!

I know which I prefer.


Other scientific articles of interest:

Image credit (and great read!):


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A Message from Alina, Priestess of the Lion Emissaries of Sirius B

A Message from Alina, Priestess of the Lion Emissaries of Sirius B

This week when I asked my question the answer came from a very different energy. This wasn’t any part of The 9. This was a very straight talking, direct, forthright…and Queenly energy. I have never encountered this being before.


What guidance can you offer us around the Queen of Wands energy?


Wear your sovereignty with pride. You have earned your leadership qualities through your hard work across many lifetimes. Do not toss the crown away, because you think it represents ego, and man made power. Instead see it as your right to stand up and speak from the heart. Let your truth be the robe you don, and your sovereignty, the crown. You were made for this. This is your time.

Do not cower behind the rocks, fearful of what others will think of you. These others are the hyenas waiting to attack when you seem at your most vulnerable, however if you keep walking they will fall away, confused by your lack of fear.

All Queens need advisors. Do not allow yourself the opportunity to ignore the good advice, but do be discerning. Gather those to you that are on your frequency of love and joy, so that their voices help sure up your certainty in your mission.
As Sovereign Beings of Light, you are ready to rule your own divine Soul Matrix, more than ready. You are ready to shine as bright as any star. It is time to turn the tide on Earth. All who read this, take these words into your heart and find the knowing within you. There is nothing to wait for. All is now.


Alina, Priestess of the Lion Emissaries of Sirius B.


Image from

Understandings From the 11/11 Portal.

Understandings From the 11/11 Portal.

The Samhain New Year gateway followed by the 11/11 portal this year have been extremely powerful conduits of energy and information.

I have felt the now familiar fall into darkness, where chaos realms and emotions are stirred. Old structures are dismantled and the pieces float in a primordial soup, waiting to be re constructed differently or simply floating to the very bottom to disintegrate.

At one time I struggled and resisted these moments. I found them disturbing and wanted to know what was wrong with me.

Now I understand them for what they are, a leap forward into MORE of me.


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